If your wife wont touch you, maybe something has changed. Were you on a low dose of estrogen by mouth. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. But it isnt. So we settle. Thats whats even more hurtful. Loved and desired! Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Its ridiculous. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. But, on the sex side, not too good. . You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. Only once really in love. Tall. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. Less. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. She like others doesnt want intimacy or sex, which I could deal with for the most part but then she makes remarks about me masturbating or watching porn. I asked her to consult with her doctor about her sex desire and they may prescibe hormone therapy. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. I could care less what he says or does. She likely doesn't want you to touch her bc whenever you do it leads to an implied intimacy interaction she doesn't want. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. A little over 43 without sex, or dealing with her, I do my own thing and dont really care what she does. Wow! The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. Wow!!! Men are not mind readers. We were together for 14 years. 2 weeks later I spoke to her again and ended up asking if she knew what I was suggesting. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. So I backed off of seeing this person. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. My wife and I have been in couples therapy now for about 3 years, and while it has helped our relationship a lot, nothing going on sexually. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. I am partly replying and partly commenting on the many very earnest and difficult sexless relationships discussed here. she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. We love them. he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. Be a fuckin man. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact [email protected]. This is really excellent advice. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and shes been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. I was too vain and just average. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. We are starting to fight a lot and twice I heard him on the phone throwing me under the bus to someone. He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. Still in love with Vicky. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. Sounds like case of no money no honey. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. You are so right. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. Like I have a total stranger as a house guest. I went elsewhere a few years back. I wouldnt even care if he watched or joined. For everything there is a season. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. Holy Cow, I have about had it. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. A woman may lose interest in sex, even in a happy marriage, if the sex does not bring her sexual pleasure. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. I have been a loyal affectionate hard working husband ( I would say that!) Hi Mary I miss the simple things. My Wife Doesn't Want Me Sexually (My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore) In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. Very true! He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. I cant hurt her, no way! Shes my childhood sweetheart, has a lovely personality, a wonderful mother and a very sexy body and persona to boot.. We are peas in a pod. Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. I did some self searching and recognized that the marriage had been one of convenience and the love wasnt there for me. And perhaps. And you are wasting your life . She reached about 58 and went through late menopause which brought on vaginal dryness, solved with a doctor recommended lubricant. 9. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. But dont give up! We lose ourselves. I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. To some it may even taste nasty. Oh stfu. 3. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. and possibly evil. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! In good times, sex it a wonderful way to give and receive love. If your wife doesnt feel confident about her physical appearance, she may have inadvertently shut down your sex life. ( I told him about the job opening). Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. That last sentence got my attention. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. I enjoy sex, but I am often fatigued and have low energy. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. Porn is the no. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. I ask why she said it is just how it is. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. Since this is our first child, I dont even know whats normal and what isnt. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? I decided to work the night shift and made it my thing. I find that unfathomable. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. I fail to see the point of continuing further. Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. I wish you the best. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. But just remember, mature willing women are unicorns. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. I have been married for almost 30 years and except for 3 wonderful children our sex life has been hit and miss. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. Hes changing tooisnt capable of long walks or hikes anymore, which is still something I love to do. It destroyed us and our marriage for all intents and purposes. Because we always hear guys complaining! love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. Now its too late. We use a great lubricant called Astroglide, to help things along, good stuff. 5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100Tampa, FL 33609(813) 222-8300, Copyright 2022 Family First, INC. All Rights Reserved.Site Design by Design Extensions, 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. I agree, once they stop theres nothing thats going to get them interested or willing to do it again.